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Friday, November 5, 2010

Somebody tell me it will all be O.K.

Today is my last day of maternity leave. I go back to work on Monday at 9a.m. I seriously don't even want to think about it, but I know if I don't; Monday will be even more hellish than what I am anticipating. I need to mentally prepare myself for it. I'm not ready. I can't do this. No, really, I don't think I can....someone tell me it will be o.k!!

The past 2 months have been the most rewarding, exhausting, exhilarating, fun, emotional months of my life. I think back to the very first day we brought Claire home & all that we've been through in 8 short weeks. There were days where I wanted to just get up & go back to work because I wanted to escape motherhood for a few hours. And now? Now I want nothing more than to be a SAHM. I never thought I would say that or want that. I always thought I would want my adult interaction time a few days a week, but I don't. I just want to spend all day, everyday with my baby girl.

I'm crying right now as I type this. I don't want this time with my baby to end. I feel so close with her & am so afraid she will forget who I am when I return back to work. Granted I'm only going back part time & the grandma's will be watching her (which I am SOOOO grateful for), but still; I'm going to miss her so much. I know I'm definitely not the only one that goes through this. But it totally feels like it.

I don't think I am going to get any sleep come Sunday night & will probably have swollen, red eyes come Monday morning.

Ok. I have to stop thinking about this. I'm going to go watch my baby sleep. & then cry & feel sorry for myself.

8 comments:

  1. Best of luck girl! It's super hard. With my son I took 12 weeks and boy did that go by quick. No matter how long you take it's never enough. But YOU CAN DO IT! And she'll be waiting for you when you get home.

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  2. It will all be ok. I know it doesn't seem that way but it will. I cried a lot just thinking about my leave ending and my baby did just fine. I did just fine. I got back into the normal routine of work and liked having a lunch break or taking time for myself on a break at work to just sit and read a newspaper. You will be ok, it is rough the first few weeks I will warn you of that. Good luck!

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  3. It was hard with e but you know what?? It gets better and then you cant wait to get home to play with her. E is in daycare and I LOVE it when I go to get her and she gets this huge smile on her face. It really brightens my day. I promise it will be okay.

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  4. I swear I wrote this post myself. I felt (and feel) EXACTLY how you do. I was surprised how crappy I felt before I went back to work, and how good I feel about it now. My friend wrote me a card and said that one of the things that made her feel good is that she went back to her job and still kicked ass at what she did. I found the same was true for me, and the same will be true for you. It is also gratifying to have a sense of satisfaction in completing adult tasks and getting praise for doing your job well (because we all know that motherhood comes without praise). And you are lucky that it is part time, I work full time, but it is 12 hour shifts, so its only like 3 days/week, so similar to you. I could never do 5 days in a row, that would kill me. And don't worry, she will NOT forget you. I get the biggest smiles from Jack all the time, and he is so excited to see me when he wakes up in the morning. You'll make it through!!!

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  5. You just go on and cry and don't feel bad for crying, I lost it in front of our receptionist the minute she asked how the baby was on my first day back, I had to wear my sunglasses up the elevator. I am still surviving so yes you can do it and you will get used to it but it is hard, don't feel bad for being sad.

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  6. i'm so sorry :( i went back to work when luke was 10 months old and that was soo hard, i can't even imagine how hard it must be to go back at 2! thank God you're only working part-time (God i wish that was me!). i don't want to minimize your pain but i do promise it gets easier. i'm so sorry :(

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  7. It does get easier but it kills you at first. I so know what you are going through! I think I cried the whole weekend before the day I actually took Parker to daycare for the first time, actually a week before on and off too, then about 5 times that first day. But eventually it becomes routine, and you count the hours and minutes until you get to go home to your little one, and before you know it she'll be crawling to you and giving you a big hug :) Praying for you!

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