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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

AHHH!!!!!!

Last night was a monumental night in the Davis household, as Claire said her very first word before bedtime!

It was "dada". And? I couldn't be more excited!!

Hubs & I both shed happy tears. I seriously did not think we would care this much about her first word.

Here's proof: sorry it's so long & honestly, it's a tad hard to really here her say it in this. But, oh well.

Excuse my obnoxious voice. But she is just so damn cute. I just love her.



Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Why I'm Not Ready for Another Baby. Part II

If you haven't read part I, do so here


Where did I leave off?


Oh ya, where I had that scary, crazy, insane meltdown in my room.


I contemplated having D call the hospital & tell them we are on our way. There was no way in hell I was going to survive another second in this situation I was in. I was miserable. But, I decided against going to the hospital. You want to know why? Because I didn't want to pay money for the doctors to tell me I was depressed & that I needed to chill. {stupid & illogical I know}


Duh. I knew that. I knew that I needed to give it time. I just had a baby two weeks ago. OF COURSE my life & hormones & feelings were out of whack. So, I talked myself out of the whole hospital situation. Instead, I called my mom. Besides my husband, my mom is my rock.


"I cccc-aaa-nnn-'-tttt d-oooo ttttt-hhhh-isssss" I stuttered to her. "Honey. Take a deep breath. You CAN do this. Your life just changed dramatically & you DO NOT deal well with change." She said calmly. "Where is Claire?" She asked. "Downstairs. With Dall. I don't want anything to do with her. I hate that I feel this way. I don't deserve to be a mother!!" I cried. "Honey, I so know what you are feeling. I went through this with your brother. & you are so brave & strong to be recognizing these feelings so early on. If you need to, go to the hospital. They can help you now." She said. "No." I took a deep breath. Re-evaluated the situation & said "I will be O.K. I am going to try & make it until Monday & call Dr. Barton." "Great idea. Take some deep breaths & try to rest while Dallas is dealing with Claire. I love you. You can do this, Laur. Call me anytime during the night if you need me!"


I hung up with my mom. Sobbed some more & fell asleep. 


...Monday morning came & I put a call into my O.B. The nurse told me to come in A.S.A.P to get another Progesterone shot. She explained that it takes some women 2 or 3 shots to feel better. That just one shot wasn't enough.


So, long story short, I got the damn shot. It made me feel better for approx. 3 hours & I was in the same low place as before.


I called the doc. yet again. In desperation. "I'm on Lexapro. I'm nursing. I'm miserable. WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME?!" "Well, unless you stop nursing, we can't prescribe you anything else. Have you considered counseling?" A light bulb went off in my head. Counseling! Of course!


Moments later, I was on the phone with my counselor. The same counselor I went to when I was in high school & suffering from depression. I hadn't seen her since I was 17. But? She remembered me. I cried when I spoke on the phone with her. Big, ugly tears. "I had a cancellation tomorrow morning at 9 am. Please, come in then. Bring Dallas & your sweet baby."


I showed up at 9am. Disheveled & exhausted. We talked. I cried. Claire slept. I cried some more. & we thought of a plan of action. & scheduled 4 more appointments.


I kid you not, after that appointment, I was a whole new woman. I felt a sense of empowerment. That I COULD do this. I COULD make PPD my bitch. I WOULD make PPD my bitch. 


And I did. Over the next few months, I slayed post -partum depression, with the help of more counseling, medication & the support of my family. I became a whole new woman. A whole new mother. I felt love for my daughter unlike anything I had felt before. I had energy like I had never had before.


Because of that plan of action my counselor & I made, because of the support I had from my amazing husband & family, I BEAT PPD. That's not to say I don't still have my days. I definitely do! And I have to be sure to keep an eye out for any signs that it's returning. 


But for now? I have never been happier in my life. I love my daughter more than ANYTHING in this entire world. She amazes me everyday. We have so much fun together & I enjoy watching her grow & learn. 


I am so, so lucky & grateful that while yes, I did struggle hard with PPD, it could have been so much worse. It could have gone on so much longer. I am glad that I was aware of my feelings & nipped it in the bud so early into it. I don't do well with hiding my feelings, which was a good thing in this instance. 


And yes, I love. love. love my kid to the core. But, I'm not ready for more quite yet. Honestly, it scares me to even think about getting pregnant again. I'm sure a few years down the road with be a different story though. 


Plus, I'm totally digging my post pregnancy body. Seriously, pumping is doing wonders for my physique. Ha! Sorry, I had to throw some light-hearted humor in this heart-heavy post ;)


{I wrote & shared my struggle with you all because I felt like I needed to not only do it for me, as part of my healing process, but for other women/mothers out there. Post partum depression {or any depression} seems to be such a taboo subject amongst society & I hate that. 


Motherhood is a HUGE change in one's life. Most women transition into just fine, but there are those of us that fight battles to get to that happy spot. Please, don't hide these feelings if you have them. There is help & support & love.}

Monday, April 25, 2011

Claire's First Easter!

I hope everyone had an amazing day yesterday celebrating with your family & friends!


We had a great first Easter as a little family. Very laid back & relaxing, just the way we like it. It would have helped it the weather would have been sunny & about 20 degrees warmer but, at least it didn't snow. BUT, my little sister came home from college for a few days, so that made everything better. {Hi, Al!}


We visited both sets of grandparents, ingested entirely too many calories & Claire totally hit the jackpot with new goodies. 


When it came to Claire's Easter basket from us, we hit a bump in the road, because I had ordered two things from Amazon last Tuesday to put in her basket which we haven't received yet. I know Amazon is so good about getting things shipped right away, so when I hadn't seen them on Friday, I tracked the package. It was in Salt Lake City {my town} on Thursday, but as of Friday, it was in COLORADO. Some how, UPS re-routed it back there & I won't get her things until Tuesday. Stupid UPS. 


So, we had to improvise. I picked up a couple of cheesy Nursery Rhyme Dvd's at Target & Ross, a little book in the dollar section at Target {love that place} & some bibs. Not too exciting, but whatev.


checking out her Easter basket from us


C & I

Her Elmo basket from Nana & Papa {my parents}



Mickey Mouse basket from Grandpa {hub's dad} 


AND she found the Peeps


Egg hunt with hub's little sis




She was SO done.

{In case you're wondering, I ordered her this & this for her Easter basket.}


I also searched high & low for some cute/affordable shoes to go with her dress. I was going to order some off of Etsy, but her little feet are SO FREAKING SKINNY, that I was too scared to order them without being able to try them on her first. Everything is always too wide.





We picked these up at Ross yesterday, they're Keds & they fit her so perfect. BUT, when I put them on with her Easter outfit, they were too clunky & didn't look right. So, she wore socks with her dress.


Womp. Womp. Womp. 


Besides the basket & shoe dilemma, it was a great day. & she looked totally adorable in her pillowcase dress.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

All Fixed.

My hair, that is.

As I said in my Vlog, I got it fixed on Friday!

Wednesday night, after the tragic incident, I texted one of my old girlfriends that I used to work with at the Salon I receptioned{pretty sure that's not a word. Oh well.} at a few years ago. She also did my hair for my wedding & I KNEW she could salvage the mess that was my hair.

She just so happened to have a cancellation this past Friday at 12:30. Which NEVER happens, so of course I said I'd be there! 

"I'm warning you, you're gonna laugh when you see me" I told her on the phone.

"Oh, it can't be that bad" she said.

"Trust me. Just wait" 

Friday rolled around & I showed up at the salon. Took out the 1,001 bobby pins that were holding my hair back, let it down & we both died laughing.

"What is this??!" She asked. "Did she just put your hair in a pony tail & chop it?" 

HAHA! Anyway, after a few good laughs & lots of snipping, the product was finished.

While it's shorter than I originally wanted it, it's not her fault! And? I love it.

Side View

Front View
I feel so sasssssy. Yay for pretty hair!

Also, I promise to get part II of my story up soon. 
{I really, truly can't thank you all enough for your kind words & stories. I am SO glad a lot of you can relate.}

I've been really lazy busy with things besides blogging & commenting on blogs. 

Sorry!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

You know, I don't *do* change. {A Vlog of My New 'Do}

Ah, lucky you.

You get to witness my horribly short haircut. 


I realize there are so, so many worse things in life than a bad haircut, & I know it'll grow. It's just the initial shock of it that's freaking me out.

I chopped off about 5" yesterday & am in complete shock. I absolutely hate it. Why? One, because, I don't deal well with change. & two, BECAUSE IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THE PICTURE I SHOWED MY STYLIST!!!

This is what I wanted:

But alas, it looks nothing like that. So, for the next 3 years, until it grows, I'll be popping pre-natals & massaging my scalp. {yes, I'm being overly dramatic. get over it}

So, here I am embarrassing myself. Please excuse the content of the vlog. It doesn't make much sense because I just whine ramble for 3 minutes. But you get the gist. 


Please excuse the fact that I say "Hi-lo" rather than "Hi" or "Hello".



Vlog Highlights:


1. I know how to ramble about nothing
2. My hair {or lack thereof} is short
3. I say "seriously" too much.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Why I'm Not Ready for Another Baby. Part I {a brutally honest post}

{this is a long, honest post about my struggle with my depression after Claire's arrival. If you don't care to read about my struggle, or are feeling snarky, I suggest you stop reading now. kthx}


Last  Wednesday night, I found myself taking a trip back in time & looking through albums on Facebook from when Claire was brand spankin' new.


Most normal mothers would hear their ovaries chanting "PRO-CRE-ATE M-O-R-E". And think to themselves, "awww, how I miss those days. I miss that teeeeeny tiny baby."


But not me. In fact, I am the complete opposite. I think, "wow, I so don't miss those days." I get a lump in my throat looking at the pictures from those first few weeks that we were home from the hospital. {Don't get me wrong, I don't not miss my baby being little. I just, don't miss those times.}


Those hours sucked. Those days sucked. Those weeks sucked.


I wouldn't go back to the way things were if someone paid me. They were so full of darkness, sadness, and zero interest in the amazing human being, that is my daughter.


I was a robot on auto-pilot for the first month & a half of Claire's life & I am scared to death to have another child because of it. 


If you remember, back when I was about 35 weeks pregnant, I wrote a post about how scared I was that I was going to have PPD {post partum depression} when Claire got here. I have dealt with {& still do} depression since the age of 11 & was on Lexapro {and still am} all through my pregnancy. Sure, being on that little pill while pregnant didn't automatically exempt me from getting PPD, but it sure brought my chances down. So, I felt good about bringing our daughter into the world. I felt positive & excited.


That all changed when I was told, after 16 hours of labor, that I would need a c-section. I was upset, ya, but it was what was best for the health of Claire & I. When they began to slice me open & I could feel everything, the anesthesiologist put me out.


I was unconscious for the birth of my baby. I didn't hear her first cries. I didn't see my husband's reaction when he saw her. I didn't meet my daughter until she was about 15 minutes old. And even when I was awake, I was in a deep fog from all the medication & really didn't know what had just happened.


In fact, I was in a fog for a good month after that too.


I truly think that the fact that I was put out for the birth of my daughter played a big part in my feelings towards her in the beginning. I felt, nothing. I was numb. I was waiting for a big burst of LOVE & EXCITEMENT for her & the fact that she was finally here. I was waiting to cry because I loved her so much & not for other reasons. But that didn't come until about 2 months into Claire being here & that guilt lives with me every. single. damn. day.


The day we were getting discharged from the hospital, I went down to my OB's office & got a progesterone shot, per my OB's recommendation {read: Feel Happy Not Depressed Shot}. "Ya! I'm just going to get this shot & I will be happy and ready to conquer motherhood!!" Not quite. I wish it were that easy. I wish I were able to automatically switch gears to motherhood & be happy & lovey dovey with my kid, but it was so not like that.


Without giving you a day-by-day, play-by-play & bore you to death, let's just say that I dreaded feeding time {I was breast-feeding at the time. This was before we found out she wasn't getting much of anything}. I didn't feel that bond that a new mom should feel with her sweet baby. It was a chore to have to feed her. Not a joy. I wanted nothing to do with her. I wanted to return her to the hospital. Wow. I can't believe I'm saying this on the inter-webs.


My breaking point came on a Saturday evening in September. I don't remember the exact date. Claire was screaming. As always at this time of day. & Dallas sent me upstairs to screamintomypillow relax. "I've got this" he said. "I'll call you when she stops crying" In the meantime, I blared the t.v. to drown out the sounds that were coming from downstairs & I cried. I cried that ugly, nasty, can't catch your breath cry. My palms got sweaty, my heart was racing faster than ever before & I had a complete breakdown.


"I HATE MY LIFE. I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A MOTHER. I DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE A HUSBAND THAT LOVES ME THIS MUCH. I WANT TO DIE." I yelled to myself.


And that's when I contemplated hurting myself. That was the breaking point. I needed help. I knew that there was the normal"post partum blues", but this couldn't be normal. I couldn't let this continue. I couldn't keep thinking these thoughts & living this way. My daughter needed me. My husband needed me...


To be continued.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Nursing/Pumping Mommas, I need your help!

Since Claire has been born, she has eaten every three hours. Without fail. With the exception of nighttime, of course.


So, naturally, I have pumped every 3 hours. Always. 


Now that she's eating solids, she is not eating as much breast milk. She will have about 6oz when she has a bottle {every 3-4hrs}. First off, is that normal?? Is she supposed to be eating less milk as she has solids introduced into her diet? My guess would be yes.


Also, I feel like I am overproducing milk. I don't know how to "wean" pumping sessions, without getting engorged! 


Am I supposed to go 4hrs in between sessions now? I pump about 5oz every 3 hours. So, if I go 4hrs, I pump about 6-7oz. I don't need that much milk! How do I minimize my supply? If that's even what I'm supposed to do?


Any tips or suggestions would be so appreciated. I'm obviously new at this. lol.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Easter Dress? Check.

I love spring. It's my all time favorite time of the year.


The yucky snow begins to melt & the birdies chirp while your windows are cracked open in your house.


Everything about spring makes me happy. It truly is a "rebirth" experience. In every sense of the word.


And you know what spring means? Easter. It's right around the corner. I remember last Easter, SO vividly. I was 18 weeks pregnant & had just found out I was having a girl a few days prior.


"This time next year...." was every other phrase out of my mouth.


Well, this time has come &  I have an awesome, amazing 7 month old beeb. & I can't wait for Easter & to dress my little lady all pretty.


If you know me at all, and by now you should, you know that I am cheap frugal. & will search high & low for the best deal. I just won't spend more than $30 on a dang dress.


What you probably don't know, is that I am just in LOVE with the style of pillow case dresses. I have loved them since I was pregnant & have been stalking Etsy for the perfect one for Claire for at least a month. 


I knew I wanted something original & something that she could wear beyond Easter. I wanted something light & colorful & springy, and...affordable.


So, last night, I found it. I found Lu's dress that she will wear for Easter.


Photo from Etsy
It's perfect, no?

If it's chilly, which in Utah, it probably will be, I can just have her wear a long sleeved onesie underneath without it looking silly.

I love it. 

Now, onto Easter basket shopping. Yay!

I love this time of year. And I love that I have a baby girl this time of year even more!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Today Was a Sad, Sad Day.

We put Claire's Little Lamb Swing away today.


She hasn't been in it for at least a month, but I've refused to put it away just in case she decided to take a nap in it one last time. But it never happened.


She spent the majority of her early days in that swing.


I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little sad.


Just another reminder that my baby girl is growing up way too fast.






Sigh.


Now I need to figure out what to fill the big empty space in my living room with. A bench perhaps? I suck at any type of decorating.






In other news, my child has learned not only how to fake cough, but does yoga too!


Hubbs just caught it on video. Hilarious.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Cleaning Out My Closet: UPDATED!!

(sorry this post has been down all day. I blame Photobucket)

**I will take 20% off your order from now until Monday!**

I've added some new things at the bottom. Make sure to check it out!

I wear probably a fifth of what is in my closet. 

I own enough jeans & shirts to dress a sorority. 

But, I  haven't worn most of it in over a year.
Why? Because I got knocked up, wore the same thing every other day while pregnant & now that I have birthed a child, I don't have the same body as I did prior to having a baby.

My rule? If it hasn't been worn in a year or more, it isn't going to be worn ever again. So, time to get rid of it!

AND? I'm selling my goods to YOU!

I've seen this idea on a few other blogs over the course of time & thought I'd give it a shot here & give you all first dibs on my "stuff" before I sell it elsewhere. 

I can count on one hand the number of times I have worn/used the following items.

If you see something{s} you like or have questions, e-mail me {laur8153@gmail.com}. 
I'll send you an invoice via paypal  & you pay that way. 
You don't need a paypal account in order to purchase something.

Prices are negotiable.

Shipping is a $2.00 flat fee in the U.S.
$5.00 to Canada.

If you post about this on your blog & link me in your e-mail, shipping is free on U.S. orders & $3.00 to Canada :)

I am NO photographer, so I apologize for the quality of these pictures. 

You can click on the picture to enlarge it

Also, I've closed comments on this post, so e-mail me if you see something the strikes your fancy!

So, without further adieu, RAID MY CLOSET!!


Black Lounge Boots
Brand: MUK LUKS {never worn}
Size: 8
Price: $16.00


{Worn}Women's Jeans SOLD
Brand: True Religion
Size: 28
Price: $35.00

Multi-Colored Maxi Dress
Brand: e-Klah
Size: Medium
Price: $20.00


Ed Hardy Purse {Never Used}
Brand: Ed Hardy
Size: Medium Sized Purse
Price: $20.00


Women's Distressed Stretchy/Skinny Jeans w/zipper @ ankle {Like my description? HA!}
{Look SUPER cute on} SOLD
Brand: MUDD
Size: 7 {remember, they stretch}
Price: $20.00

Black "Leathery Denim" Jeans{New With Tags. Never Worn}
Brand: Scott Morrison
Size: 27
Price: $25.00



Brown High Heels {about 3.5" Heel}
Brand: Jessica Simpson
Size:7.5
Price: $25.00


Jeweled Tee 
Brand: Crystal Rock by Christian Audiger
Size: Small
Price: 18.00

Canary Yellow Shirt SOLD
Brand: American Eagle
Size: Small
Price: $5.00



Black Zipper Dress with Cinched Waist
Brand: Forever 21
Size: Small
Price: $15.00

Eggplant Colored Bubble Dress {knee length}
Brand: Planet Funk
Size: Small
Price: $15.00


Gold Elephant Necklace w/jewels {as seen in picture above}
Brand: Planet Funk
Size: n/a
Price: $5.00


Light Brown Organic Cotton Beach Dress
Brand:Trinity
Size: Large
Price: $15.00

Brown Sweater Vest {belt not included}
Brand: Old Navy
Size: Small
Price: $12.00

Black & Red Ribbed Sweater Vest
Brand:Urban Blues
Size: Small
Price: $15.00


Lemon Lime Cotton Jacket{New With Tag}
Brand: Express
Size: Medium
Price: $19.00

Lavender Long-Sleeved Vest
Brand: Charlotte Russe
Size: Medium
Price: $10.00

Grey & White Striped Sweater
Brand: Abercrombie & Fitch
Size: Medium
Price: $15.00


Jeweled Camo Hat {Never Worn}
Brand: Unknown {purchased in Vegas Boutique}
Size: n/a
Price: $18.00

White Tee
Brand: DOE {Nordstrom}
Size: Small
Price: $5.00


White Love Bird Tee SOLD
Brand: Heritage 1981
Size: Small {fits like a medium, though}
Price: $6.00

White V-neck Tee
Brand: Scrapbook {Nordstrom}
Size: Small
Price: $6.00

Red Tee
Brand: Harajuku Girls
Size: Small {fits like a medium}
Price: $9.00

Black Barbed Wire Tee
Brand: Sinful
Size: Small
Price: $12.00

Black Tee With Leather Cross on Back
Brand:
Size: Small
Price: 12.00
           
Blue Blouse
Brand: Old Navy
Size: Small {fits like a medium}
Price: $5.00



Silver Jeweled Watch
Brand: Style&co
Size:n/a
Price: $8.00

Light Brown Empire Waist Blouse
Brand: Ella Moss
Size: Small
Price: $15.00

Black & Red Tee
Brand: Crystal Rock by Christian Audiger
Size: Small
Price: $18.00

Ed Hardy Belt
Brand: Ed Hardy
Size: S/M
Price: $20.00


Green Ed hardy Belt
Brand: Ed Hardy
Size: S/M
Price: $15.00


Ivory Tank SOLD
Brand: American Eagle
Size: Small {fits like a medium}
Price: $8.00

White Puffy Vest
Brand: Halogen {Norstrom}
Size: Small
Price: $15.00


Red Long Sleeved StretchyShirt
Brand: Free People
Size: Small
Price: $15.00

Sterling Silver Floral Necklace
Brand: Brighton
Size: n/a
Price: $12.00


JUST ADDED:



Mustard Colored Shoulder Bag
Brand: Far Nine
Price: $12.00

Black Dooney & Bourke Bag
Brand: Authentic Dooney & Bourke
Price: $20.00


Multi-Colored Coach Bag
Brand: Authentic Coach {Dillards}
Price: $55.00


Brown Juicy Couture Shoulder Bag
Brand: Authentic Juicy Couture {Nordstrom}
Price: $30.00


Black Juicy Couture Bag
Brand: Authentic Juicy Couture {Nordstrom}
Price: $25.00

Small Coach Purse w/ matching wallet *Mint Condition*
Brand: Authentic Coach {Dillards}
Price: $120.00 for both
{can sell separatley upon request}


White "Skinny" Jeans SOLD
Brand: Shio {Nordstorm}
Size: 27 {they stretch. more like a 28}
Price: $18.00


Dark Blue Pants/Capris
Brand: Jade {Nordstrom}
Size: 9
Price: $15.00

Black Knee Length "Amore" Shirt {I wore this as a dress with leggings}
Brand: Monteau
Size: Small
Price: $9.00

Black Puffy Vest
Brand: Chrome Sport {Nordstrom}
Size: Medium
Price: $10.00

Brown & White Spaghetti Strap Dress w/ elastic waist
Brand: BeBe
Size: Medium
Price: $30.00

Creme Colored Sleeveless Shirt with Black Tie
Brand: Blue Haven {Nordstrom}
Size: Small {fits like a medium}
Price: $10.00

Grey & White Drop Waist Dress
Brand: Express
Size: Small
Price: $11.00

Brown & White Striped Bubble Hem Dress {brown belt included}
Brand:Plenty by Tracy Reese {Nordstrom}
Size: Medium
Price: $40.00

Black & White Halter Dress
Brand: BeBe
Size: Small
Price: $28.00

Khaki Colored Linen Shorts
Brand: Forever 21
Size: Medium
Price: $9.00

Sunny Yellow Dress with Crochet Detail
Brand: Antropologie
Size: 8
Price: $60.00


Dark Wash Denim Skinny Jeans
Brand: J Brand {Nordstrom}
Size: 27
Price: $45.00
Excuse my dog :)


Dark Brown Juicy Couture Sweat Outfit
Brand: Authentic Juicy Couture {Nordstrom}
Size: Medium
Price: $45.00



Pants

Brown "snakeskin" Peep Toe Flats {worn once} SOLD
Brand: Simply Vera, Vera Wang
Size: Women's 8
Price: $12.00