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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Something I *swore* I would not do when I became a mother.

...And I have totally caught myself doing it, more often than not. Especially now, as Claire is getting older.


Comparing her to other babies. Comparing myself to other moms.
UGH! I hate that I do this! 


"Oh your 6 month old is sitting up, almost crawling, eating solids 3x a day, napping like a pro & is in a convertible car seat?" 


Well mine just mastered rolling over one way.


"Oh, you're breast feeding, part of a playgroup, don't let your kid "fuss it out" , missknowitallaboutmotherhood mom?"


Well I pump & take my kid on walks


I really don't know why I do this to myself? I catch myself second guessing every decision I make about my child based on what other moms do. I am so easily influenced, & I HATE it.


I also hate that I compare Claire to other babies & their milestones. I knew all along through pregnancy {& still do, obvs} that every baby is different & reach will milestones at their own pace. I told myself over & over while I was pregnant, that I WOULD NOT compare Claire to other babies. But, I have let myself do it anyway.


Claire is little, still in 0-3 month clothes, doesn't have rolls & in the 10%tile for weight, but she's healthy. She's still only eating breast milk because of her cleft and we are not starting solids until after surgery, but she is satisfied. She can't sit up on her own yet & only rolls over one way & has zero interest in wanting to crawl, but she's happy. 


And I am a good mom for keeping her best interest at heart. 


"Stop comparing yourself & your child to others'! It does not matter, Lauren!" 


...ya, I'll keep telling myself this. 


Please tell me I'm not the only one that has done this?? Bleh.

37 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Lady, I do this on occasion too.
    Lilla started rolling one day--like every time I set her down she rolled. Now she won't roll at all, unless I help her. It's so weird.

    You're a GREAT mama, and like you said Claire is happy & satisfied so who care what other babies are doing :)

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  3. Ugh it's so true, I do it too. It's like I'm scared of getting left behind or something. I have to stop myself and remember that all babies do things at different times. And really, why would I want her to start moving, they're much easier before they can get into everything!

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  4. You are a great mom! A lot of moms I know breast feed because it's easy (and yes best for baby). You pump. That is WAY more work. It's all the work of formula feeding (making bottles, heating bottles, cleaning bottles)with the added work of the actual pumping. But you do it because you want what's best for Claire. I say you need to put youself up on a pedestal.

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  5. You are not alone! I think its so normal for us new mom's to worry and hope that our babies are on the right track...but I guess its important to remember that every baby is different and will reach those milestones on their own time when they are ready. Keep up the good work momma, Claire is beautiful, happy, and perfect!

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  6. You are not the only one I used to do this. Than I said what the hell im his mother I know whats best for him and move on its hard I used to get so mad when other moms would say well my babys on the 90th % for growth and hudsons only on the 50 but you know what that normal. Your doing good just let it go and you know your the best mommy for clair.

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  7. I think we all do it .....we try not to but its natural .....Dont feel bad....its normal! I always thought my daughter was healthy and chubby but others would say shes small and then her pediatrician said one day

    "oh shes only ever been in the 12th % since she was born in weight...but shes healthy and thats all that matters"

    Every mom is different and only you know whats best for YOUR child

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  8. Oh sweetie... welcome to the club. I have a 2 year old daughter along with a 2 year old niece and nephew. All born within weeks of each other. We are awesome mommies who do what is best for our kids. Good luck!!

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  9. I'm guilty, too! My Leila sleeps with us from about midnight on and I kept saying I was going to sleep train her to sleep in her own bed all night because that's what every one said was the right thing to do. BUT, I like sleeping with her! My hubby likes sleeping with her. Him and I still get our alone time in bed before she wakes up. Our marriage is great! So, I'm saying screw what anyone thinks. We're gonna keep co-sleeping.

    And, I am guilty of always comparing her language development with other kiddos. She doesn't say much. Her cousin at 1 1/2 was practically speaking in full sentences.

    We just have to keep telling ourselves what we know is true... every baby/kid is different and ONLY the parents/guardians know what is truely right for that child. Hang in there girl!

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  10. I think everyone does this, it's normal. More of what I worry about, though is OTHER PEOPLE's judgements on her milestones. Like they will read my blog and say "she only JUST rolled over??". Oh well. Baby Claire is doing great :)

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  11. Oh my gosh, don't worry...we are ALL guilty of this! But you are right, kids develop at their own pace. Claire may not be the first to crawl, but she may walk early. Or talk earlier than some kids. And if she is a happy, healthy girl, then you are doing a great job as her Momma! Give yourself a break!

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  12. You are not alone!

    And even though my son is 11 and I KNEW this happens, I'm still reminding myself with my 7 month old that they do things on their own schedule and to not compare.

    I'm honestly just celebrating her milestones as they come...on HER time!
    xoxox

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  13. Totally and completely do this ALL THE TIME. OMG. It's awful.

    And I was one of those "pregnant" moms who always told everyone (and myself) "Every child develops at their own pace, it isn't a contest."

    Now? I want my kid to be first and win all the time. Sad.

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  14. you ARE a great mom! and i think it's in our nature to look at other moms and babies and compare... i think we do it in a lot of aspects in our life... so don't kick yourself for it, i think we all catch ourselves doing it here and there! your baby is HAPPY. you said it best.

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  15. Everyone does it! Even if they say they dont...I secretly believe everyone does. Its an unspoken "competition". Not that its right or that its what we should do...I think its just natural. Liv was such a late crawler...she didn't crawl until she was over 8 months, but then the crazy nugget started walking when she was 9 months! I just think about how much I worried about her not crawling. Waste of time. Oh well, It definitley helps to know that you are 100% not the only mom that does this.

    Oh. and I have yet to take Liv to a play group in Calgary. We've lived here since September and I complain about not knowing any other moms at least once a day. figures.

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  16. I believe we have all done this at one point or another with our babies, and older children in my case as well. Don't be hard on yourself, I think you are doing a great job and are a wonderful Momma to Claire!

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  17. We all do this!!! Whether it's comparing engagement rings, prom dresses, weddings or baby milestones... we women are all guilty of this!

    I think you are a great mom. Most mom's with babies who can't nurse would have given up early on but you have chosen to pump and provide her with the best nutrition you can. She is getting your milk and it doesn't matter how she gets it!!
    I know we all compare (because we're female) but we should remember that our babies have no other mom to compare us to! So if we are totally screwing them up they won't know! Ha!

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  18. If I've learned anything about being a mom that no one told me before it's exactly this! More so in the last few weeks ecspecially, but I haven't found any kid doing exactly what Currants doing or vice versa! Soon she'll be a year and the comparing will be over. If I compare anything I try to compare myself to how cool other mom's "look" like getting out of the house and looking decent! I seem to just wear my sweats and call it a day :(

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  19. I agree, I hate doing that too. I keep reminding myself that life is not a competition. I don't know what other peoples lives are like, I only know mine.

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  20. Just found your blog and started following. Claire is so cute-about a month younger than my son!

    I tend to do that too, and I always kick myself for it, but not doing it is easier said than done!

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  21. You are very normal for doing this... I am pretty sure everyone does! Sounds like you know what is right for you and Claire and you have a healthy image and healthy expectations for where she is and should be. Your are doing great!

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  22. You're not the only one. I think everyone has done it one time or another. I use to find myself doing it all the time. I just had to take a step back and realize what really matters which are I had a healthy and happy baby and seriously in the end thats ALL that matters! So don't worry. I think your such a cute mom and Clair is adorable! keep up the good work!

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  23. ah. thanks for posting this!

    I do it too!


    My 5 month old isn't rolling over and lots of people let me know that it isn't ok and that she is 'large for her age'

    !!!

    no thank you.

    Camp Patton

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  24. I do it too, :( I don't know what's worse, comparing to other kids, or to older kids. I'm always comparing my second to what my first did and when. You're normal, lol! :)

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  25. I'm so guilty of this! Honestly, since Claire is a few weeks older than Grace I always read your updates to see what other babes her age are up to. :)

    Ha...I probably call my mom (who is a nurse) at least once a day to ask if something is "normal"! I think its hard for us first time mommas to not do this. You're doing wonderful, Claire is absolutely darling and I'm super jeal that you are still exclusively pumping! Mom guilt over here!

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  26. I think everyone is guilty of this.
    And here we go, let's do some comparing *big cheesy smile*:
    Elliot is small for his age too- 4th percentile, still wearing newborn clothes at 10 weeks. :) The little ones are strong, though.
    I'm sure she's just fine- she has a great mama! I exclusively pumped for 8 weeks and MAN I applaud you. I was prepared to keep doing it too, {but definitely NOT thrilled}... Elliot had other ideas, though.

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  27. My sisters both had babies within a couple months of me and they are constantly reminding me what super babies they have... It is hard not to get caught up in it, but I KNOW my lil man is healthy, and verrrry happy! I will take my cuddle bug over a baby who is an early walker anytime, hehe

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  28. Been reading a while now and finally delurking here--
    I think EVERY parent does this. Don't worry...
    I have obsessed about my son's every development and milestone, and you know what? He reaches them. Not at the exact same time as everyone else, but he still hits them.
    Relax, take a deep breath...you're doing a great job.

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  29. Are you kidding?! It is so natural to do this! How can we moms not? You are doing great with Claire and she is precious. And when it comes down to it, no matter how much we compare ourselves to others, it still doesn't change the outcome so we just have to make sure we treasure ever moment we have. Keep up the good mommying :)

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  30. I'm a follower who rarely comments but wanted to tell you that I think you are doing a really great job and are a wonderful mother!! I know you know this but just wanted to let you know this and while you are comparing yourself and Claire to other babies - your readers think you are a wonderful mother and have no reason to ever doubt yourself or compare!! Claire knows this too I'm sure. All this said - I am pretty sure 99.9% of mothers do this! =)

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  31. Just came across your blog and am now following. I am not a mama yet, but I too have such a problem with comparing myself to others! I know you aren't the only mama - just imagine how many moms are comparing themselves to you and your little cutie.

    Ashley
    www.TheThriftyWife.com

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  32. You are totally not alone! I am pregnant with my first, and as much as I try not to, I find myself constantly comparing myself to my friends who are pregnant, and the people I follow in the blog world. I think it is just a part of life!

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  33. I do it too and I HATE it. I'm always thinking "oh my gosh is Maya behind? Am I doing what I should be to teach her? Should I put her in more activities? Should I play with her more? Should she watch less TV?"....it's awful. I know I am doing the best I can possibly do and that I should be happy with that. :)

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  34. just came across your blog :) ohmygosh its so cute! ohmygosh this is SO true and I do it too! You'll be okay dear!

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  35. I teach first grade and it has always driven me crazy when a parent compares their first grader to an older sibling...and now I compare Grayson to other babies! Guess it's normal mama nature. What bothers me even more than me doing it is other people doing it to my kid...bugging me about not starting fruits/veggies, rocking him at night, not having a tooth yet...drives me nuts!

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  36. You are doing a fantastic job. Everyone gives their opinion and you just take what you want and dump the rest. My son is huge. Always off the charts and I gave up on listening to peoples advice on how/when/what to feed him. He's a big boy, but he's healthy and happy and I'm fine with it!

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  37. You're doing a great job! I think all moms are guilty of doing this. I told myself the same thing, but it's impossible not to do it sometimes. I think that as long as she is healthy and happy, don't worry about how she "measures up" to other kids. My doctor was telling me that kids tend to focus on one area at a time, so while one kid walks early, he may talk late. Or like mine, he may love books and being read to, but not walk until 13 months. It's okay- kids are all different!

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