35/35!

Today marks a very special milestone in my pregnancy. I am 35 weeks pregnant & have 35 days until my due date!! YAY!!! In a way, 35 days seems soooo far away but also so close at the same time!

I really am starting to feel the effects of pregnancy on my body. Everyday is a struggle & I know it's only going to get more difficult the bigger I get! My hips ache, my toes & fingers look like sausages, my pelvis feels like it's going to break, I pee every 10 minutes, Braxton Hicks are kicking my ass, I get nauseous after every meal, (hellllo 1st trimester sickness) I don't sleep... I could go on & on. This part of pregnancy is just so glamorous, isn't it?

I had my 34 week appointment on Monday & everything looks great. I didn't get an ultrasound, but the doctor measured me & said it's right on for 34 weeks. My next appointment is on the 9th & I will be getting my 1st internal exam (AHHH!!!). I'm nervous for that but am also anxious to see if by chance I'm making any progress in that department. As of right now, baby girl is still sitting up so high. But she is still head down, so that's good!

SURVEY!

How far along?: 35 weeks with 35 days (give or take) left.
How big is baby?: A little over 5 lbs, I think. SO CRAZY!
Weight gain?: Still at 25lbs total.
Stretch marks?: The time has come. I have them. On both of my love handles. Little purple, squiggly lines. Blehh.
Maternity clothes?: I live in non-maternity dresses & loose tops but maternity shorts.
Sleep?: Hmm..let's see: my hips throb, my pelvis burns, my mind races, this baby has a dance party every time I try to fall asleep & I pee every hour. I sleep maybe a good uninterrupted 2 hours every night if I'm lucky.
Best moment this week?: Hearing sweet girl's heartbeat on Monday & knowing she's growing big & strong.
Food cravings?: Ice cream sundaes!!
Gender?: baby girl!
Movement?: ALL THE TIME!! Yesterday, she put on a show for my & hubby. It seriously looked like she was trying to escape. We were laughing so hard. Then she punctured my rib & I cried.
Belly button?: Half in half out. So weird.
What I miss?: Not feeling like I ran a marathon when I get out of bed in the morning.
Labor signs?: Just BH contractions ALL. THE. TIME. They're getting more painful.
What I'm looking forward to?: Seeing my two very best friends this weekend. They are coming all the way from Georgia for my shower!! I love them.
Milestone?: 35weeks down 35 DAYS to go!!

I look so tired.

But I feel like the belly looks the same...

Mrs. LoveBug, in case you're wondering (because you always are-HAHA!!), I got my extremely floral shirt at Forever 21.

It's the little things

Everyday at work, my hubby & I chat over I.M through out the day to make each other laugh & to keep each other sane.

This morning, I was put on cloud 9 when he said this to me out of the blue:

"and I want you to know how much your really doing for me. and how appreciative I am for it! Carrying that baby for us is beyond words that i can express how thankful I am"

That made my entire day. I love that he loves me for carrying this miracle that is our child.

There is a smile permanently attached to my face :)

oh, p.s. I'm so happy you guys liked the paintings my sister & I did for Claire's nursery! For those wondering, we just used regular acrylic paint & it worked great! Nothing fancy!

I got all crafty this weekend

We had an extremely laid back weekend. Like, we didn't do anything but eat & veg on the couch. My husband likes to call this ultimate relaxation & if he could do it every weekend, he would. By Sunday, I called it ultimate boredom. I cleaned & did laundry & when that was done, I was so ready to get out & do something! So my sister & I decided we wanted to make something for Claire's nursery.

We did a little Googleing & I had an idea to buy blank 8 x 8 canvases & paint them. Since the theme of her room is birdies, it was only appropriate that we paint birdies on the canvases, durr. Butttt... sis & I aren't the most crafty/artistic people in the world, so we hopped on Etsy & found some inspiration & ideas of what we wanted the paintings to look like.

A trip to Michael's & a couple of hours later, we came out with these as the finished product:

Pretty cute, no? I painted the one on the left & my sister did the one on the right. My birdie is standing on a mushroom & sort of looks like a fish the way that I drew its beak, but hopefully Claire will appreciate them :)

One canvas on Esty would have run me $30-$40 plus shipping. But we made these for $29.50. It would have been less, but I forgot my coupon. Hmph.

34 Weeks

Well, I am 34 weeks & the reality of having this baby soon is setting in.

I feel so unprepared. We really have nothing ready for her. Since we are in the midst of buying a new house (YAY), there is not a whole lot we can do to prepare her nursery. If you remember, we painted her nursery & set up her crib & bedding back when I was 24ish weeks & we weren't even considering moving back then. But, a lot can change in a matter of weeks & well, now we are moving. So, everything for Claire's room has been put on pause. I'm freaking out a little considering we won't be moving in until probably the middle/end of next month. That should be interesting!

I would like to mention that after living in our house for 2 years, we JUST found out last night that there is a registered SEX OFFENDER that lives right next door to us!!! His conviction is Enticing of a Minor. Funny how we live RIGHT across the street from a High School...We had searched sex offenders in our area a while back & nothing came up, but sure enough; there's one living 5 feet away from us. That right there is reason enough to be moving before we have this baby! SO GROSS.

How far along?: 34 weeks!
How big is baby?: If I remember from my books, I think she's almost 5lbs! What a big girl!
Weight gain?: Um... I've gained 3 pounds in the last week. 3 POUNDS! I blame it on the fact that I have discovered I can have McDonald's & Chick-fil-a without my blood sugar going through thr roof. I have literally had McDonald's everyday this week for breakfast & Chick-fil-a for lunch...ya, that'll pack on the pounds.
Stretch marks?: I have discovered what appears to be a few little ones on my left love handle. They look like pink squiggly lines. Oh well. They aren't that obvious.
Maternity clothes?: I live in non-maternity dresses & loose tops
Sleep?: AWFUL. Between the achy hips, pelvis & peeing every hour, I don't sleep much.
Best moment this week?: How about the worst moment? I've had a few of those. This week was emotionally wearing. But I'm over it. Something positive that has come out of these negative events is that I know my husband has my back & supports me no matter what. I just love that.
Food cravings?: Turkey & provolone sammiches
Gender?: baby girl!
Movement?: Yes. Between her teeny feets in my ribs & having the hiccups multiple times a day, she's constantly up to something. The fact that her feet are all up in my ribs is a sure sign she's still pretty high up there. START DROPPING, BABY.
Belly button?: Just plain weird looking. It's not sure what it wants to be
What I miss?: At this point, too many things to name.
Labor signs?: Just BH contractions ALL. THE. TIME. They're getting more painful.
What I'm looking forward to?: Reaching full term
Milestone?: How about I have 42 days left?!?

See, she's still sitting high & mighty in that belly!

Does this happen on every honest blog?

Well, I apparently ruffled a few feathers with my post on Monday, and I apologize if I left a few of you fuming, but I don't feel like I have to justify what I write on my blog. If people want to have negative opinions & views about me, that's totally fine. Everyone is entitled to an opinion.

By having a public blog, I am taking a risk & putting my life & self out there for the world to see & if I get a couple of side eyes & negative comments, then so be it. It's the risk I take & I'm OK with that. This blog is therapeutic for me. I like writing my feelings & events of my life.

I am who I am. If you don't like that, I'm terribly sorry.

Just thought that needed to be said. Normal blogging will continue on Friday when I will be 34 weeks!! AHH!!

Baby shower #1...

was... a complete bust. We had our family shower yesterday & literally got nothing that we need or asked for. I am bitter, bummed & quite honestly, disappointed.

I know it's my hormones that are speaking right now but seriously; what is the point of a registry if no one gets you anything you need from it?!? I wanted to tell everyone at the shower yesterday that we are having a baby not a doll. We need things that are essentials in taking care of a child, which does not include CLOTHES, CLOTHES, & more CLOTHES. Oh, and what am I supposed to do with 600 size 2 diapers? Just wondering. I am definitely taking a box of those back to Costco to get some newborn & size 1s.

I feel like such a brat for acting like this, you guys; but even if someome spent $5 on an outfit for Claire, could you have at least put that $5 towards something we actually need from our registry? Like, binkies, burp clothes, bottles, etc...

I am very grateful for everyone that came out for us yesterday, don't get me wrong. I just wish they would have gotten us things we actually need.

Oh, and did I mention that beer pong was being played at the end of the shower? Ya. Like I said, a complete bust.

Say what you want about me & say that I'm a greedy pregnant bitch, but at least I'm being honest. Right?

Me and my sister

Hubby & I

I didn't think I had "pregnancy face" but I guess I do.

My momma & I

I had to capture this moment.

Who plays beer pong at a baby shower?

My family

33 weeks!!

See my ticker up there?? IT SAYS 49 DAYS TO GO!!!

I seriously can't get over the fact that I have less than 50 days until I meet my baby girl (that's assuming she comes on or before her due date, I hoping for the latter). I am SO ready for her to be here.

I'm beyond uncomfortable, especially at night when trying to sleep. My pubic/pelvic bone literally feels like it's being severed from my body. It hurts SOOO bad. I am so so exhausted all the time & seriously feel like I haven't slept in 3 days. And these Braxton Hicks contractions? They can eff off. They are getting much stronger and a lot more frequent. I know it's just my body preparing for the real thing, but geez; they are annoying!

Eh, enough complaining... do I complain too much?? Actually, don't answer that.

Survey Time!

How far along?: 33 weeks!
How big is baby?: About 4ish pounds
Weight gain?: I think it's hanging at around 22lbs. I'm ok with that.
Stretch marks?: I'm getting some more little ones on my boobs, which is a lot better than getting them on my stomach!
Maternity clothes?: I live in non-maternity dresses & loose tops
Sleep?: pretty much horrible. I pee every 2 hours & I literally get tears in my eyes when trying to get out of bed. My pelvis hurts so bad.
Best moment this week?: Seeing Claire on the ultrasound machine on Monday & finding out she has hair! Sweet girl.
Food cravings?: Chick-fil-a!!
Gender?: girl!
Movement?: Allllll the time. She's also gotten into the habit of getting the hiccups at least 4 times a day. As a matter of fact, she has them now!
Belly button?: It's a teeeeny bit of an outie, but still pretty flat
What I miss?: feeling rested

Labor signs?: No, just really strong & more frequent braxton hicks contractions
What I'm looking forward to?: BABY SHOWER ON SUNDAY!
Milestone?: Having less than 50 days!!!

I feel as though I am getting progressively

larger.

Momma needs a new pair o' shoes

But baby girl got some first.



::dies of cuteness overload::

32 Week Appointment/Update

I went to the doctor yesterday afternoon for my 32 week appointment. Everything went really well!

According to their scale, I'm up 2 more pounds since my 28 week appointment. Which is good. That let's me know that Gestational Diabetes is my bitch & not the other way around. I've got a good handle on it, which is great!

I ended up getting an ultrasound also because when you have Gestational Diabetes, they like to keep very close tabs on how the baby is growing/measuring. So, I got to see baby girl and... SHE HAS HAIR! Oh my gosh, it was the cutest thing when the doctor pointed to those little wispy hairs on the screen! I'm guessing it's pure white fuzzy hair. Oh I can't wait to see her!!

She's measuring exactly 32 weeks 3 days, she's still head down & everything with her looks great. PRAISE GOD!

I also voiced my concern to my doctor about PPD. I told him I had been feeling so down lately & was nervous that I would develop PPD after Claire is here, since it does run in my family. He told me he would definitely keep me on Lexapro & also add a type of hormone supplement to balance of the crazy hormones out. Both of which are safe to take while breast feeding. Again, PRAISE GOD! I was so nervous I wouldn't be able to breast feed because of the Lexapro & am so relieved that,that won't be a problem.

So, I just wanted to update everyone on how my appointment went :)

Have a great Tuesday!!

32 Weeks and... 3 days. oops!

I sorta' forgot to do my weekly post on Friday, so I'm catching up & doing it today!

But first, I want to thank you all so much for your kind words & advice on my last post. I was very surprised at how many people can relate to my situation & that makes me feel so much better. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that struggles with depression. And I'm glad that I was able to help anyone :)

I have my 32 week appt today & will definitely voice my concerns about PPD with him & see what he says.

So, I'm 32.3 weeks pregnant now & I seriously feel like the days are dragggggging. I don't know what it is, but each day feels like a week! I'm just so anxious to meet this little girl & get our lives started with her. I feel like I'm living for the future & not the now. I rush everyday by as a day closer to meeting this baby. I know I'm going to regret it. I know I'm going to wish to go back to the days where we did nothing but lay on the couch, but right now; I just want her to be here already!! Does that make any sense at all? Ok, good.

SURVEY!

How far along?: 32 weeks 3 days
How big is baby?: She weighs about 4 lbs now!
Weight gain?: As of Friday, I hadn't gained any more but I'll find out for sure at my Dr. appt today.
Stretch marks?: Nooo
Maternity clothes?: I live in non-maternity dresses & loose tops
Sleep?: meh.
Best moment this week?: It will be today when I go to the doctor
Food cravings?: French fries. Can't have 'em though. BALLS!
Gender?: girl!
Movement?: Consistently kicking my ribs & bouncing on my bladder.
Belly button?: It actually looks like it wants to be an outie. AHH!
What I miss?: alcohol
Labor signs?: No, just really strong & more frequent braxton hicks contractions
What I'm looking forward to?: BABY SHOWER ON SUNDAY!
Milestone?: Making it to my 8 month of pregnancy before throwing up for the 1st time. It happened Friday morning. I was making breakfast & barely made it to the sink before getting sick! Weird that I made it 8 months before that happened

I feel like I'm growing & growing!

The Real Deal.

*Disclaimer- I am not writing this post to fish for pity. I'm writing to be open & honest about how I'm feeling & hopefully others may relate*

I've been debating for a while whether or not to write about this topic. I mean, it's not that I'm ashamed of it (anymore); it's just simply the fact that I know there are Judgy McJudgersons out there that could rip into me for writing about this-or maybe not. I'll take my chances.

Look, I really try to keep this blog a happy outlet for me & readers & try not to have too many negative things to write/whine about. But, my life isn't all puppies & rainbows & therefore this blog shouldn't be either. I want this blog to reflect my real life & not a fantasy-every body's- always- happy- life. So, with the suggestion & encouragement from my husband, I'm going to bring some difficult reality to this post...

Depression. I really hate that label/word. Unfortunately, it has been a letter in my vocabulary since I was a mere 12 years old. I remember the day I got diagnosed with it so vividly.

My best friend had just moved to a different state & for weeks following that huge event (remember, I was 12 people), I spiraled into a black hole. I cried. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I didn't leave my room for days on end. Finally, my mom had enough & took me to my doctor who decided I had depression & from that day on, I have been on anti-depressants.

It was something that I was so ashamed of, you guys. I didn't want to have to take a pill to make me happy & keep my emotions in check. But, that's the way it had to be.

Unfortunately, the big diagnoses was not a big surprise to my mom. Depression runs on both sides of my family. My dad is on anti-depressants, my mom, my sister & my brother. We all suffer from different levels of it. I actually think my mom & I have it the worst. We've spiraled into black holes more than once, been to therapists, tried different medications & so on.

I think when I was in high school was when I found just the right medication & dosage for me. Boy, was that a victory. It feels so good to find just the right medication that doesn't make you feel like you're going crazy. Needless to say, I've been on the same medication since.

Last August, when my husband & I decided to think about trying for a baby; I had the idea to try & wien off of my Lexapro. I knew that I didn't want to go off anti-depressants completely since that would not end well, so I decided to try & switch to Zoloft (a pregnancy safe anti-depressant). The first few days weren't so bad, but when the new medication got in my system, I spiraled, yet again; into a very deep, dark hole that I didn't think I would ever come out of.

I missed a week of work, a week of sleep, a week of eating- a week of my life. I was miserable. My mom had to come over & be with me while my husband was at work because I wasn't to be alone. I wanted to die. No, I never tried to commit suicide, I just wanted to disappear from the world. I didn't want to deal with my problems. I felt like a freak & I felt my husband & family thought I was too.

That week felt like years & that next Monday, I made an appointment with my O.B. & I'm so glad I did. I told him we wanted to try for a baby & asked him about my depression. He immediately told me not go change medications or try to stop taking them. With his suggestion, I was to remain on Lexapro when I did become pregnant. He felt the risks of me not being on that pill were greater than me being on it while pregnant. So, that's what I did & am still taking it. I know this is a debatable topic, but it's what is right for me.

Up until recently, I have felt that my Lexapro is still working. But within the past few weeks, I have been a basket case. Crying, feeling anxious, feeling guilty & clingy (all symptoms of depression). But, is is really my depression rearing it's ugly head back in? Or is it simply raging hormones from being pregnant & miserable. I don't know, but I don't like it. It scares me. If I'm like this now, how in the world am I going to be when my baby comes? Worse? Better? The same? The whole reason of staying of anti-depressants while pregnant is to lower my chances of getting PPD (post-partum depression). I am SCARED SHITLESS that I am going to have this. I can't fathom being in a black hole WITH A BABY.

I know the best thing to do, obviously, is to voice my concerns with my doctor (which I will), I just wanted to put all of this out there to share & hopefully find that there ARE other women dealing with this & that I'm not the only one feeling scared.

Depression is not something to mess with nor be ashamed of. All through school, I hid the fact that I was taking a pill to essentially make me happy. But since then, I've come to a realization that depression can affect anyone & it's just a natural chemical imbalance that causes it. There is nothing I can do about the fact that I have it. But I can control how I handle it. & that is why I am taking that one pill. For me. For my baby.

Thank God I have an amazing supportive husband who has lived through this with me since I was 15. He knows the struggles I have & makes sure I take my medication everyday & is always there when I'm feeling blue & to catch my tears (which is a lot lately). I really do have an amazing support system & do not know where I would be without them.

I'm sorry this post is INSANELY LONG but I feel much better putting it all out there. I am on anti-depressants & am not ashamed. There. I said it. I just hope it stays away from me when my baby arrives.

Can you say spoiled?

I hope you guys had a fantabulous 4th of July weekend & had yesterday off like we did! Our weekend was so incredibly laid back. We didn't do much of anything, which was really nice because this 1st trimester morning (read:all day) sickness is kicking my big butt.

Buttt... yesterday was someone's 2nd birthday. Can you guess who's?

This little lady's: We spent the day spoiling her rotten. We took her to Petsmart to pick out a toy. The above picture is of her waiting to go on her shopping adventure. She picked out a red lobster toy & would not leave its sight for the rest of the day. We also picked up some fancy schmancy treats from the treat bar for her to enjoy.

Then, we took her over to the in-laws for a play date with their doggies & to swim! She LOVES to swim, you guys! We just discovered that a few weeks ago. Hubby & I went swimming & she jumped in!! So hilarious.

Needless to say, she had a pretty fabulous day. Spoiled Girl.
On her way to Grandma & Grandpa's with her new toy. (Which she took out of the bag on her own might I add)
Not so sure about being in the shopping cart....


PARTYYY!! HAHA!

You're probably rolling your eyes at how much we spoil a dog but she's seriously like our baby. We got her a mere month after getting married. Our lives revolve around her & in a few weeks (OHMIGOD), she's not going to be the center of attention anymore. A human baby will take up most our time, so we want to love on her as much as we can until then.

I have a feeling she's not going to be so good at sharing her time with Claire. Oh boy.

31 Weeks!

Sorry I've been such a crappy blogger this as of late. It's been an emotionally draining week.

Wednesday morning, I was on my way to my parent's house to drop off our puppy because we were having some photographers come & take pictures of our house (it is now for sale). I pulled into their driveway & just started bawling. Uncontrollably. My sweet mom opened the door & I ran into her arms like I was 5 years old. I managed to say"I'm so done being pregnant & so sick of feeling sick". She hugged me so tight & told me I needed to take a mental health day for myself & Claire.

Best idea ever. I lounged around my mom & dad's all day, she cooked me some breakfast & I managed to get a 1hr nap in (I have NOT been sleeping well lately & I think that had something to do with my meltdown). It was so nice to just take a day for myself & do nothing. I feel a lot better now.

Between being 7 1/2 months pregnant & looking for a house, it has really taken a toll on me emotionally & physically. (I'll do a post next week on this whole random house hunting business)

So, that's what I've been up to...

Survey Time:

How far along?: 31 weeks!!!!!
How big is baby?: She weighs about 3 lbs now!

Weight gain?: I actually weighed 2oz. less at the doctor on Monday than 2 weeks ago. haha.
Stretch marks?: nope, nope.
Maternity clothes?: Just bottoms. I live in dresses pretty much though.
Sleep?: Well when my pubic bone & hips aren't throbbing, then I can sleep...

Best moment this week?: Probably hearing baby's heartbeat & knowing she's growing big & strong at my Dr. appt on Monday
Food cravings?: All the bad carbs that I can't have. THIS IS TORTURE!

Gender?: girl!
Movement?: Consistently kicking my ribs & bouncing on my bladder.
Belly button?: I have no belly button....
What I miss?: Not crying everyday.

Labor signs?: Nope! But maybe in.... 6 WEEKS! OMG.
What I'm looking forward to?: So many things! Getting my nails done today, going house hunting on Sunday, baby shower on the 18th & another one on the 1st!!
Milestone?: Making it another week!

Whoa, baby.